We need a Master Plan, Part One

It can go without writing that there are just about as many different solutions for undesirable fatness floating around in the cosmos as there are middle-aged undesirable fat women.   I have even tried some of these solutions.  Or maybe one.  I think.

If, like me, you don’t buy self-help books anymore (because they don’t), and you don’t watch much TV, and the only TV shows that you do find remotely entertaining enough to provide background noise are Little Miss Perfect and Hoarders (both of which, come to think of it, although polar opposites in the nature and quantity of beauty presented, seem to have in common a number of 3X and larger size female Guest Stars who could easily land their own reality show spin-offs if they had agents instead of Pageant Coaches who specialize in Spray Tanning for Little Girls and/or Professional Psychologists who specialize in HouseCleaning And/or Demolition And/or Dead Pet And/or Pest Removal), all you have to do is just stand in line at the grocery store.  If, that is, you are waiting in line at the cash register long enough to flip through some womens’ magazines to learn about The Only Weight Loss Solution That Really Works!  Of course, if I am standing in line at the grocery store cash register that long, I will have set the shopping cart ahead of me on fire and grabbed the cashier by their overactive customer-friendly-chatting-policy-in-action little throat about 4 minutes ago.   More on my anxiety/panic disorder later.

The bottom line is that between television and print media and Google and Amazon.com, I already have available to me all of the collective knowledge and experience in the known universe to create a workable and effective plan for the 4F project.  I realize, though, that any plan for a body makeover must include as a Phase One task a successful body takeover.  That is, a full-on coup d’état — complete with troops, tanks, grenades, and chem gear – to oust the Fat Queen’s bad behaviors and influences so that the Fit Queen can assume the Throne.  This is war after all.

And I know how to do war too, well, in the way that someone who is veteran of military service but never saw actually saw any actual combat knows how to do war, anyway.

The takeover of my body, then, is the overthrow of the Fat Queen’s attitudes and habits and thinking patterns that make it easy for me stay fat.    I know what they are.  Next post I will list them and present Phase One of the plan.